Sensory Integration Education

In this month's Thoughts from a Therapist blog, Anna Willis explores why co-regulation is essential for emotional well-being, how it builds the foundation for self-regulation and why it’s particularly important for those with a trauma background or sensory challenges. 

Imagine this: you’ve had a bad day, nothing has gone right. You call your friend to come over. Your friend gets you a soft blanket, sits you on the sofa and makes you your favourite hot drink. They put on your favourite calm music and light a candle that smells amazing. They sit with you and just listen. How are you feeling? Hopefully a bit better? (Although maybe some of you are annoyed by the fuzzy blanket, the fire hazard of the candle or just don’t like hot drinks – in which case, just replace with your favourite sensory comforts!)

Let’s re run the scenario. You get home, your friend comes round. They tell you: “I can’t stay but why not try doing whatever calms you down tonight?” and then they leave. They’ve been a bit helpful, but potentially, you’re not as soothed. You may struggle to think of what exactly calms you down, or just don’t feel like initiating it and instead spend hours scrolling on your phone.

Example one is having someone to co-regulate with us. An attuned safe person who is helping us through, alongside us. The second example is being given the task of self-regulation.

As humans, we are built to co-regulate and be co-regulated. This will look different for different people, but essentially, the myth of self-regulation as the gold standard doesn’t hold up. Absolutely we do want to be able to self-regulate, but it’s not the end goal.

For any of us with a trauma background, we will need a significantly greater amount of co-regulation before any expectation to self-regulate can be placed. I talk about this a lot in school where potentially children are being expected to self-regulate, when no one has really co-regulated them consistently before.

It’s great to be able to self-regulate. But it’s also great to be co-regulated and to have safe people who help us - this isn’t any lesser than self-regulation.

May we all have this special friend who helps us when we’ve had a bad day and may we be that adult to the people we support clinically.

PS If you work in a school environment, you may be interested in the blog ‘Self-Regulation in School: A Guide for Staff’ published on our sister website Sensory Inclusive Schools. The blog discusses how understanding the link between self-regulation and a student's unique sensory profile can offer insights into how to make adjustments to the classroom and school environment to create a better learning experience for students. It also highlights practical strategies for fostering co-regulation as well as ways of introducing sensory-friendly practices. You can read the full blog here. 

Thoughts From a Therapist is a regular series written by Advanced SI Practitioner Anna Willis about something that piqued her professional interest or inspired her in some way over the last month. Anna, an occupational therapist and owner of Active Play Therapies.